mirror of
https://github.com/bvanroll/startrek-ml.git
synced 2025-08-29 12:02:45 +00:00
649 lines
22 KiB
HTML
649 lines
22 KiB
HTML
|
||
<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season1/109uga.htm -->
|
||
<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||
<title>The One Where Underdog Gets Away</title>
|
||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
||
|
||
<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||
|
||
<h1 align="center">The One Where Underdog Gets Away</h1>
|
||
|
||
<hr align="center">
|
||
<i>
|
||
|
||
</i><p><i></i>Written by: Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss<br>
|
||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:mmatting@indiana.edu">Mindy Mattingly Phillips</a><br>
|
||
With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein<font size="3"></font></p><font size="3">
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was
|
||
wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Terry:</b> An advance?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we
|
||
go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the
|
||
whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Terry:</b> Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really,
|
||
really awful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm
|
||
trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee?
|
||
(everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<h3 align="center">Opening Credits</h3>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do
|
||
you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Guy:</strong> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before.
|
||
(picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for
|
||
Thanksgiving?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, they're not.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You're wrong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I am not wrong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You're wrong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I just talked to them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey
|
||
Tribbiani, man slash woman.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What were you modeling for?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You know those posters for the city free clinic?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy
|
||
guys"?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You know, the asthma guy was really cute.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you know which one you're gonna be?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Good luck, man. I hope you get it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross comes back to the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's
|
||
Thanksgiving. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make
|
||
it just like Mom's.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her
|
||
sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim
|
||
holidays.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, every single one of them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December
|
||
'cause he is lunar.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So you're free Thursday, then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. Oh, can I come?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I thought it was $98.50.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I'm off to Carol's.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to
|
||
bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi, is uh, is Carol here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> No, she's at a faculty meeting.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...<b>Susan:</b>
|
||
Come in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to
|
||
the museum.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> What's it look like?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Kinda like a big face without skin.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about
|
||
bein' a lesbian.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you
|
||
do it. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're...
|
||
crazy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Do you uh, do you talk about me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Yeah, yeah, all the time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly
|
||
time too. Not that I believe any of this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can
|
||
show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey,
|
||
and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact,
|
||
I'd very much like to butter your head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, Rach, did you make your money?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop,
|
||
shoop, shoop.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rach, here's your mail.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks, you can just put it on the table.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (insistently) No, here's your mail.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks, you can just put it on the table.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> We all chipped in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Monica) We did?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you. Thank you so much!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional
|
||
Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family
|
||
size bag of Funyuns.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving
|
||
dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, I'm nine years old.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I hate this story.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I
|
||
remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents
|
||
choose to tell me they're getting divorced.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my god.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once
|
||
you've seen it in reverse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> We did?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy.
|
||
(pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> Yeah, right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> Get out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> Really? You don't know what that means to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> (provocatively) Nothing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What's wrong?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> I just remembered, I have to do something.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh. What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Girl:</strong> Um, leave.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wait, wait, wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What
|
||
Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are
|
||
shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So I guess you all saw it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Saw what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Tonight, on a very special Blossom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<h3 align="center">Commercial Break</h3>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is
|
||
standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are
|
||
yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop
|
||
moping.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That's closer.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters, excited.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop,
|
||
shoop.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, you must stop shooping.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler, will you just come in already?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not
|
||
funny anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That's not a question.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little
|
||
piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't
|
||
be with my family because of my disease.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and
|
||
in the form of tots.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok, Mom never hit.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (stirring pot) Ok, all done.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then
|
||
add some peas and onions.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why would we do that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know,
|
||
before she died.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and
|
||
hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler enters, running.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten
|
||
away.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The balloon?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all
|
||
over the news. Right before he reached <em>Macy's</em>, he broke free and was spotted
|
||
flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can't, I gotta go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often
|
||
does that happen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Almost never.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Got the keys? <i>or</i> Got the keys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Everyone leaves the apartment.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> Anytime you're ready.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I
|
||
talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain
|
||
acoustical advantage, but...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> Just aim for the bump.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this
|
||
is too weird. I feel stupid.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan
|
||
does it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the
|
||
park.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on
|
||
the inside. Why are we standing here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No I don't.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do either of you <b>have</b> the keys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (panicked) The oven is on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I gotta get my ticket!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well then get it, get it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That tone will not make me go any faster.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (angry) Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That one will. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major.
|
||
So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's
|
||
face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Susan enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Hi, how's it goin?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Shh! (singing) <em>Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest
|
||
looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey</em>! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> I did.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Does it always, uh--?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> No, no that was the first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Keep singing! Keep singing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (singing) <em>Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When
|
||
you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo</em>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> I felt it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (singin) <em>Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts</em>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nope, not that one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Can you go any faster with that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't
|
||
for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a
|
||
gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I swear you said you had the keys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I
|
||
obviously didn't have the keys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Short pause.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why would I have the keys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aside from the fact that you said you had them?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> But I didn't.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, you should have.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm
|
||
making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of
|
||
potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of
|
||
potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas
|
||
and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned,
|
||
and, and I... I...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open.
|
||
Here we go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined, potatoes
|
||
are ruined, potatoes are ruined.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross enters, singing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Here we come, walkin' down the<68>this doesn't smell like Mom's.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan
|
||
of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck
|
||
here with you guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious
|
||
Thanksgiving dinner?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You call that delicious? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(all shouting)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Stop it, stop it, stop it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Now this feels like Thanksgiving.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not
|
||
alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all run to the window.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It's nice that he has someone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Shall I carve?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> By all means.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I will.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Make a wish?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd
|
||
you wish for?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The bigger half.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this
|
||
isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been
|
||
really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting.
|
||
Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with
|
||
your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know?
|
||
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings
|
||
sucked.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> That's so sweet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And a crappy New Year.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Here, here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<h3 align="center">Closing Credits</h3>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster,
|
||
revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows: </p>
|
||
|
||
<blockquote>
|
||
<blockquote>
|
||
<p>Bladder Control Problem<br>
|
||
Stop Wife Beating<br>
|
||
Hemorrhoids?<br>
|
||
Winner of 3 Tony Awards... </p>
|
||
</blockquote>
|
||
</blockquote>
|
||
|
||
<p>He's finally happy with that and walks away.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |