mirror of
https://github.com/bvanroll/startrek-ml.git
synced 2025-08-29 12:02:45 +00:00
763 lines
27 KiB
HTML
763 lines
27 KiB
HTML
|
||
<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/711towcc.htm -->
|
||
<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||
<title>The One With All The Cheesecake </title>
|
||
|
||
<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">
|
||
<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\FRIENDS.dot">
|
||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
||
|
||
<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||
|
||
<h1 align="center">The One With All The Cheesecakes</h1>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>Written by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan<br>
|
||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a><br>
|
||
With Help from: <a href="mailto:webmaster@friendsplace.com">Aaron Howard-Miller</a></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Monica’s, Chandler is sitting at the kitchen table eating
|
||
cheesecake. The box it came in is also on the table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ohh. Mmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Comes in the front door and walks towards the kitchen.) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, you have got to try this cheesecake.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, y’know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth. I—(Chandler
|
||
puts a forkful of the cheesecake in her mouth.)—Wow. My God, so creamy. Oh my God,
|
||
this is the best cheesecake I have ever had. Where did you get this? (She reaches over to
|
||
look at the label on the box.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (nervously) It was at the front door. When I got home. Somebody sent
|
||
it to us.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler, this is not addressed to you. This is addressed to Mrs.
|
||
Braverman downstairs. (Gasping) Thief.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I—no! I didn't read the box before I opened it. And you can't
|
||
return a box after you've opened the box.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why, why not?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because it's too delicious.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no-no! It is going to be okay, because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send
|
||
away for a free one and that way we <b>all</b> win! The only losers are the big cheesecake
|
||
conglomerate, (Reading the label) Momma’s Little Bakery. (Pause) I feel terrible,
|
||
I’m a horrible, horrible, horrible person.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (taking a bite) Oh, I’m sorry, what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Rachel is there as Joey gets up and starts
|
||
putting on his coat.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, I should get going, big day at work. Y’know I’m in a
|
||
coma? Today, they do this test on me and it turns out I’m not brain dead.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah-ah-ah Mr. Smartie Pants, it’s just my character that’s
|
||
not brain dead. Hey, so Pheebs, we still on for tonight?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Absolutely!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I’ll see you at 8:00.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Joey exits.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, what’s at 8:00?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey. We get together about once a month to
|
||
discuss the rest of you guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow, did not know that! May I say how lovely you look today?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Duly noted.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. (Phoebe gets up to get a refill.) (To Monica) Oh! So for tomorrow,
|
||
do you want to rent a car and drive down together or what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Cousin Frannie’s wedding, it's tomorrow night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> <b>You</b> were invited?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> My God, I can’t believe this! I mean I knew that mom and dad were
|
||
invited, but I thought that was it! I mean from the ages 7 to 9 Frannie and I were
|
||
inseparable!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, maybe since the age of 9, Frannie’s made some new friends.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well l-look okay, it’s probably just a mistake. Let me call Aunt
|
||
Sheryl okay? Maybe you are invited and the invitation just got lost in the mail.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, well you call her and tell her that y’know when we were kids
|
||
her precious little Frannie tried to undress me several times, okay? And if I hadn’t
|
||
have stopped her, there probably wouldn’t even be a wedding to go to.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know, she tried to undress me too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I used to undress my cousin Glenn. (Monica looks at him then
|
||
shushes
|
||
him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross are playing <i>Monopoly</i>
|
||
as Phoebe enters angrily.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joseph Francis Tribbiani are you home yet?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Umm, I think he’s still out. What’s wrong?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I’ll tell you Rachel Karen Green, I had plans with Joey
|
||
tonight and he left me this note. (Hands it to Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (reading the note) "Pheebs, can’t make it, got a date. Talk to
|
||
you later. Big Daddy." (Laughs) Big Daddy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh that’s a nickname we were trying out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, y’know what nickname never caught on? The Ross-A-Tron! (Monica
|
||
shakes her head in disgust.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Here’s Joseph Francis!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-Wha-Ho! What are you middle naming me for?! I left you a note!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So what?! That doesn’t give you the right to ditch me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you can cancel plans with friends if there is the possibility for
|
||
sex!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe he’s right, that is the rule.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t accept this rule. When we make plans, I expect you to show
|
||
up. Okay, I can’t just be a way to kill time ‘til you meet someone better!
|
||
Y’know boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but this (Motions that their
|
||
friendship) is for life!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! I’m so sorry; I had no idea it would bother you this much.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, it does.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, can I-can I make it up to you? Huh? I’m sorry. (They hug.) How
|
||
about uh, dinner tomorrow night?! I’ll pay for myself!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, you wore me down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Joe, while you’re over there how about another beer for the
|
||
Ross-A-Tron?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The Ross—Is that back?!! (Chandler motions no.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel enters to find Chandler staring at another
|
||
cheesecake box.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Another cheesecake came! They delivered it to the wrong address again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So just bring it back downstairs, what’s the problem?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t seem to say goodbye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you serious?! Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago and
|
||
you want more?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well I’ve forgotten what it tastes like okay?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It was cheesecake. It was fine. It had a buttery, crumbly, graham
|
||
cracker crust, with a very rich yet light, cream cheese filling… (Pause) Wow! My
|
||
whole mouth just filled with saliva! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (closing the box) Y’know what? Forget it! <b>We</b> are just
|
||
hungry! We have not had lunch! We are just light-headed! So let us go out and have lunch
|
||
and forget about the cheesecake.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah and we’ll drop it off downstairs so that we’re not
|
||
tempted.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Good idea. Where do you want to go to lunch?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Momma’s Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois. (They exit with the
|
||
cheesecake.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Joey are there. Joey is reading a newspaper.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Awww! Mel Torme died.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, that paper’s like a year old!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aw! Does that mean the <i>Sam Goody’s</i> sale is over?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So I finally heard back from Aunt Sheryl and apparently it <b>wasn’t</b>
|
||
a mistake. Ahh, there’s-there’s limited seating in the hall.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Limited seating?! (Screechingly) <b>I</b> am just one tiny person!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well yeah, but she doesn’t know that. I mean, the last time she saw
|
||
you-you would’ve turned one of those little wedding chairs into kindling. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (disgusted) Limited seating! Oh, that is such a lame excuse! That’s
|
||
not the reason she’s not inviting me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh what’s the big deal?! I wasn’t even invited to the ceremony,
|
||
just the reception. And-and y’know what? If it makes you feel any better, Joan and I
|
||
will just make an appearance and then, and then we’ll-we’ll leave early as a
|
||
sign of protest.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joan?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, Joan Tedeski my date. She’s an assistant professor in the
|
||
Linguistics department. Tall, very beautiful, and despite what some people say, <b>not</b>
|
||
broad backed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute, you got Ross Gellar and guest?! I wasn’t invited and
|
||
you got "and guest?!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh-uh, excuse me, I do have to interrupt on Ross’s behalf. I-I think
|
||
the rule applies here y’know, since she has a chance to get on broad back…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (interrupting) <b>Not</b> broad backed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute, y’know, you’re bringing me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? I can’t cancel on Joan!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why not?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Bec—Did you not hear me?! She’s an assistant professor in the
|
||
Linguistics department, okay? They’re wild! Why do you want to come anyway?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Because! She’s my cousin. I mean, we grew up together! We’re
|
||
family y’know? Well that’s important to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, all right, I’ll take you. I’ll go call Joan. (Does so.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aww that’s nice. Family should be there, huh? This is her wedding,
|
||
happiest day of her life.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (laughs) We’ll see.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Lobby of Chandler and Rachel’s building, Chandler and Rachel are
|
||
returning from lunch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, thank you for lunch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Wait a minute, I didn’t pay, I thought you paid!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So apparently we just don’t pay for food anymore. (Rachel laughs
|
||
then Chandler notices something.) Do you see what I see?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (gasps) Its still there! (The cheesecake they returned to Mrs. Braverman
|
||
is still lying in front of her door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Mrs. Braverman must be out. (They move closer to it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> She could be out of town. Maybe she’ll be gone for months.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad. We don’t want her to
|
||
come back to bad cheesecake.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No that could kill her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, we don’t want that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, so we’re protecting her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But we should take it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But we should move quick.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! (Rachel grabs the cheesecake
|
||
and they take off upstairs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are entering. As Phoebe is sitting down, she
|
||
recognizes someone sitting at the counter.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gasps) (whispering) Oh my God! That’s David!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> David who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> David the scientist guy, David that I was in love with, David who went
|
||
to Russia and broke my heart David!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> (noticing Phoebe) Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, you say someone’s name enough, they turn around.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> David! (He kisses her cheek) What-what are you doing here? Aren’t
|
||
you supposed to be in Russia?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Yeah, I’m just, I’m just in town for a conference. Umm, <b>God</b>
|
||
you look phenomenal!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well… Yeah. You look great too. Did you get a haircut?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Yeah. Well I-I got like thirty of them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Umm, look I-I-I got a confession to make…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Uh, I-I-I was hoping to run into you here. I didn’t know whether I
|
||
should call or not, y’know I-I was only in town for a few days. And y’know, I
|
||
didn’t want to intrude on your life or-or anything like that, but I-I really wanted
|
||
to see you and—but I didn’t know if you wanted to see me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, of course I would want to see you. I…I think about you all
|
||
the time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Really? Because <b>I</b> think about you all the time. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> I mean, there’s a statue in Minsk…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> That reminds me of you <b>so</b> much, I mean umm, it-it’s actually
|
||
of Lenin. But, y’know at certain angles…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Umm, anyway…Do you want to have dinner tonight?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (excited) Yes! Oh no! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> (disappointed) Oh. Uh, what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t. I can’t believe I have plans, I can’t. Can you
|
||
do it tomorrow night though?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Uh no, I have to go in a few hours. I have to be on the red-eye. Well
|
||
listen, y’know, next time you’re in Minsk umm…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh. (They go over and talk.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So! He’ll understand!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No he won’t. And that’s not even the point! Monica, I made a
|
||
whole speech about you do not cancel plans with friends! And now y’know what? Just
|
||
because, potentially, the love of my life comes back from Russia just for one night, I-I
|
||
should change my beliefs?! I should change beliefs! No! No! No, if I don’t have my
|
||
principles, I don’t have anything!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> God, you are so strong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or! I should rush through dinner with Joey and I can meet David at 9:00!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Chandler are eating the cheesecake right out of
|
||
the box.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (taking a bite) Oh my God! That is so good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret
|
||
it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (seeing what they’re doing) What do you got there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh it’s umm, it’s tofu cake. Do you want some? (He makes a
|
||
disgusted noise and heads for his room, Chandler follows him in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you doing tonight?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh? Uh… (He starts taking off his pants.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Dude! Dude! (Motions that Joey should pull up his pants.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! (Pulls up his pants.) Sorry. Uh, I’ve got those plans with
|
||
Phoebe, why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh really? Uh, Monica said she had a date at 9:00.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! Tonight?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s what Monica said.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> After she gave me that big speech?! She goes and makes a date with a guy
|
||
on the same night she has plans with me? I think she’s trying to pull a fast one on
|
||
Big Daddy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Cousin Frannie’s Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are entering and
|
||
finding their table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh here, I think this is us. (Reading the name cards.) Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Limited seating my ass. Let’s see who made the cut. (To the couple
|
||
sitting to her right.) Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>The Wedding Guest:</strong> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m Monica Gellar. Who do you know the bride and groom?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>The Wedding Guest:</strong> Oh, I used to work with Frannie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Used to work with her. Used to! I’m a relative and I didn’t
|
||
get invited! A <b>blood</b> relative! Blood!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Monica) Stop saying, "Blood" to strangers.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to the couple on her left) So, how about you huh? How do you know the
|
||
happy couple?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>The Second Guest:</strong> We went to college with both of them and now we live
|
||
next door.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, you’re fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: <i>Iridium</i> Restaurant, Phoebe and Joey are looking at the menus as the
|
||
waiter comes to take their order.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Are you guys ready?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes! I will have the green salad, umm the house salad, and water’s
|
||
fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> (To Joey) And for you sir?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, this slow roasted salmon, just how slow are we talkin’ here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> It’s uh, it’s already been roasted.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, then no. Maybe I should hear those specials again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh Joey, we’ve heard the specials three times! Okay? There’s
|
||
prime rib, mahi mahi, and a very special lobster ravioli. (She grabs his menu and hands it
|
||
to the waiter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Actually we’re out of the lobster ravioli. (Putting Joey’s
|
||
menu under his arm.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh well, that changes everything! (Grabs his menu and starts looking at it
|
||
again. The waiter leaves.) Y’know what Pheebs?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You were right before. I mean, friends are so important.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (checking her watch) Yeah, I’m very wise. I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Y’know-y’know what I really want?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is to have a long, long talk. Y’know? Get Joey out on the open road
|
||
and really open him up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> (returning) Any progress?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes! I will have the lobster ravioli.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God Joey, this is taking forever!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What’s the rush? What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> W-w—I just—it’s that—I have—y’know I
|
||
have-I have an appointment. And it’s very important.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa-whoa, what is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well… It’s a date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> A date?! No, no Pheebs you-you must be mistaken, because I know you
|
||
wouldn’t schedule a date on the same night you have plans with a friend!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on Joey, don’t make me feel badly about this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, I’m gonna!! That’s right! Yeah, you made me feel really
|
||
guilty about goin’ out with that girl! Like-like-like I did something terrible to
|
||
you! And now Pheebs, you’re doing the same thing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That—It’s not the same thing! This is <b>totally</b>
|
||
different! This is with David! Remember David, the scientist guy? Okay, he’s very
|
||
special to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, well my girl from the other night was special. She was a scientist
|
||
too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She was?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, she graduated from high school!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, whatever. Y’know what? I don’t have time to
|
||
convince you because he’s only here for four hours, and I’m gonna go see him!
|
||
(Gets up and leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! (She exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to the waiter) What are you still doin’ here?! I told you, lobster
|
||
ravioli!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Phoebe is running up to meet David.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Hey! Oh, I was just about to leave. I-I-I-I didn’t think you were
|
||
coming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I wouldn’t miss this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Well, I’m very glad you’re here. (Kisses her hand.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, you’re such a gentleman. (Grabs his arm.) Come on! We’re
|
||
going to my place! (Drags him off to her place.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating the cheesecake and Chandler enters and
|
||
catches her in the act.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you eating the cheesecake without me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (with a mouthful) Mm-mmm. (Nods no.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I will give you a hundred dollars to whistle right now. (She tries to
|
||
whistle and blows little chunks of cheesecake out of her mouth.) How can you eat the
|
||
cheesecake without me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, what are you going to do?! Are you gonna go run tell Monica?! Are
|
||
you gonna tell Joey?! No! Because then you will have to tell them what we did! We are
|
||
dessert stealers! We are living outside the law!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what? I don’t trust you with this cake anymore! And I
|
||
got it first, and I’m takin’ it back! (Grabs the cheesecake and heads for his
|
||
apartment.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yes! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait a minute!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no-no-no-no, no you don’t!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler and Monica’s as they enter.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yes! Oh yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You think I trust you with it?! No! We’re gonna split it! You take
|
||
half and I take half!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well that’s not fair, you’ve already had some!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Oh, well then y’know what? I think Monica would be very
|
||
interested to know that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What do we <b>use</b> to split it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (Grabs a knife and cuts it in half.) All right, pick a half.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (examining the cake) Okay well, this side looks bigger. Uh…
|
||
There’s more crust on this side. Y’know? So, maybe if I measured…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh for God sake just pick a piece!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, I’ll pick that one. (Points.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s also the smaller piece. (Puts the piece onto a plate.) Okay,
|
||
there you go. Enjoy your half my friend, but that is it. No sharing. No switching, and
|
||
don’t come crying to me if <b>you</b> eat your piece too fast. (As she’s saying
|
||
that she is backing out the door, when she finishes she turns around to return to her
|
||
place, stumbles and drops the cheesecake on the floor.) Oh!!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (gloatingly and holding his piece) Ohhh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, you gotta give me some of your piece.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho-ho-ho-no! No! No switching! No sharing, and don’t come
|
||
crying to me! Ha-ha-ha! I may just sit here and have my cake all day! Just sit here in the
|
||
hallway and eat my… (Rachel knocks the plate from his hand and it falls on the floor.
|
||
That process leaves just the forkful Chandler has, Rachel starts to go after that little
|
||
bit and Chandler retreats into his apartment.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Cousin Frannie’s Wedding Reception, Monica and Ross are sitting at the
|
||
table, alone, as a woman approaches.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> Ross, sweetheart!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, hey Aunt Millie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Aunt Millie:</strong> Isn’t it a beautiful wedding?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, yes it is. It’s uh… (Aunt Millie uses this opportunity to
|
||
grab Ross and kiss him on the lips. After she leaves Ross quickly wipes his mouth with a
|
||
napkin.) Every time on the lips! Why?! Why on lips?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Cousin Frannie and her husband enter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Here’s Frannie. Hmm, won’t she be happy to see me? (Starts to
|
||
get up and greet Frannie.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn’t bring you here so
|
||
you can ambush her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Frannie was the one who found your <i>Playboys</i> and showed them to
|
||
mom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That bitch! (He gets up and they go over to ambush Frannie. Monica taps on
|
||
Frannie’s shoulder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frannie:</b> (turning around) Monica! What…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Am I doing here? Why? Surprised to see me? Ross brought me. How do you
|
||
like that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Frannie) Hi Frannie, congratulations.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me?! Why?!
|
||
What—Why wouldn’t you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done?!
|
||
(Frannie’s husband walks up.) Stuart!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frannie:</b> I believe you know my husband.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica is shocked into silence.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So it’s really a question of <b>who</b> could you have possibly done.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Central Perk, David has a cab waiting to take him to the airport and
|
||
he’s saying goodbye to Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Oh, I <b>hate</b> this but I-I-I have to go. I-I can’t miss my
|
||
flight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you sure? I’ll bet there’s another flight to Minsk in
|
||
like…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> July. Umm, (He speaks Russian.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s really beautiful. What does it mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Please, clean my beakers. I don’t get out of the lab much.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s good. I got to admit, I thought it was something else.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Yeah, I… Well I really actually wanted to say umm, that, but um, I
|
||
figured I probably shouldn’t because y’know, I…have to leave.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re right! You’re right. Don’t say it. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> I-I do though.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I do too. (They kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>David:</b> Bye Phoebe. (He gets in and the cab drives off. Joey walks up and
|
||
witnesses that event.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (seeing him) Okay, now’s not the time Joey. All right? You can yell
|
||
at me tomorrow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No! No! No Pheebs, I’m not gonna yell at you. I just y’know,
|
||
started thinking about you and David and I…remember how bummed you were the first
|
||
time he left. And I just… Oh Pheebs, come here. (He hugs her.) Are you okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No I’m not okay. The only guy I’ve ever been crazy about has
|
||
gone to Minsk and I may never…I may never see him again. (Crying.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, y’know you could always visit him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh right, like they’re gonna let me have a passport.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Anything I can do? Whatever you need.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well—But—Now, if-if you can achieve positronic distillation of
|
||
sub-atomic particles y’know before he does, then he can come back. (They hug again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I can give it a shot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Rachel are on their knees with forks trying to
|
||
salvage what they can of the cheesecake off of the floor.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Yay! Look! There’s a piece that doesn’t have floor on it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Stick to your side!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, come on now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey finishes climbing the stairs and sees them. Chandler and Rachel both stop and
|
||
look up at him. Joey sits down on the step.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (pulls out a fork) All right, what are we havin’? (Starts digging
|
||
in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Cousin Frannie’s Wedding Reception, Ross and Monica are at the door and
|
||
about to leave.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh wait I forgot my wrap.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Oh, okay. Wait here. (Goes to get it, but before he gets there Aunt
|
||
Millie sits down on it forcing him to pull it out from behind her which gets her
|
||
attention.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Aunt Millie:</strong> Hi sweetie! Are you leaving?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Aunt Millie:</strong> Give us a kiss. Come on! Come on! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross hesitates then leans down trying to get her to kiss his cheek, but she moves his
|
||
head around and kisses him on the lips again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why?! Why on the lips?! (He wipes his mouth on Monica’s wrap and
|
||
walks off, leaving Aunt Millie stunned.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |