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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With George Stephanopoulos</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With George Stephanopoulos</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<font size="3"><i>
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</i></font><p><font size="3"><i></i>Written by: Alexa Junge<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">guineapig</a></font></p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3"><b>
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</b></font><p align="left"><font size="3"><b></b>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there except Joey.] </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Alright. Phoebe? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day,
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I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And
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bigger boobs! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, see.. you took mine. Chandler, what
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about you? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Uh, if I were omnipotent for a day, I'd..
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make myself omnipotent forever. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> See, there's always one guy. (Mocking)
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"If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes." (Joey enters.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>All:</b> Hey Joey. Hi. Hey, buddy. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Hey, Joey, what would you do if you were
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omnipotent? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Probably kill myself! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> ..Excuse me? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Hey, if Little Joey's dead, then I got no
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reason to live! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Joey, uh- <b>OM</b>nipotent. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> You <i>are</i>? Ross, I'm sorry.. </font></p>
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<p align="center"><b><font size="3">Opening Credits</font></b></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe
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sleep.]</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> How does she do that? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> I cannot sleep in a public place. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Would you look at her? She is so peaceful. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> (waking and startling them) Oh! What what
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what! ...Hi. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> What's going on with you? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> I got no sleep last night! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Why? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and
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they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to
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reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Well, if you want, you can stay with Rachel
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and me tonight. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">(Chandler and Joey enter. Joey is counting his
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steps.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See,
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I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> You got waaaay too much free time. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> (to Ross) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Ross,
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check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking
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you. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Happy birthday, pal! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> We love you, man. (Kisses Ross) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Funny, my birthday was seven months ago. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> So? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and
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couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Well, aren't we Mr. "The glass is
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half empty." </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October
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twentieth? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Ohhh. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> What's wrong with the twentieth? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Eleven days before Halloween.. all the
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good costumes are gone? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Today's the day Carol and I first..
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consummated our physical relationship. (Joey is puzzled.) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd
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better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her
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lesbian lover. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> The hell with hockey, let's all do that! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (trying to stop Ross leaving) C'mon, Ross!
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You, me, Joey, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, whaddya say, big guy, (Pretending to punch him
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in the stomach.) Huh? Huh? Huh? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> What are you doing? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (stops) I have no idea. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> C'mon, Ross! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off
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it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> You got it.</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">(Rachel runs up cluching an envelope.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Look-look-look-look-look, my first pay
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check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> I remember the day I got my first pay check.
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There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Wow, you worked in a mine? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> I worked in a <em>Dairy Queen</em>, why? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I
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wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally<6C>(opens
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envelope)<29>not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what-
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Chandler, look at that. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (looking) Oh, this is not that bad. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> You can totally, totally live on this. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, yeah. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Oh, by the way, <strong>great </strong>service
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tonight. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>All:</b> Oh! Yeah! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">(They all get their wallets out and give generous tips.)</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Guys:</strong> Hockey! (They go to leave but are
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blocked by three of Rachel's friends, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne. The guys pause to
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stare at them.) Hockey! Hockey. (The guys.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Leslie:</strong> (looking around) Rachel? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! (Rachel, Leslie, Kiki, and Joanne
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all scream and hug each other. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> (to Phoebe) I swear I've seen birds do this
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on <em>Wild Kingdom</em>. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> What are you guys doing here? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Kiki:</strong> Well, we were in the city shopping,
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and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong><b>Joanne:</b></strong> Look at you in the apron.
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You look like you're in a play. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> (to a pregnant Leslie) Look at you, you are
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so big I can't believe it! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Leslie:</strong> I know. I know! I'm a duplex. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> (to Joanne) So what's going on with you? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong><b>Joanne:</b></strong> Well, guess who my dad's
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making partner in his firm? (She points to herself and they all scream again.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Kiki:</strong> And while we're on the subject of
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news.. (She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream
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again.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Monica) Look, look, I have elbows! (They
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scream.)</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to
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each other.]</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> ...Poulet passes it up to Leetch! (Passes
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it to Joey.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Leetch spots Messier in the crease- there's
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the pass! (He kicks it to Ross, but Ross is staring into a shop window.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> We'll take a brief time out while Messier
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stops to look at some women's shoes. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Carol was wearing boots just like those the
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night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (off
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Chandler's look) Sorry. Sorry. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">(They walk on. Chandler and Joey start to talk but
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Ross stops and whines.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> What? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Peach pit. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, Bunny? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-
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</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> -Peaches? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Actually, nectarines, but basically... </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (to Joey) Could've been a peach. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I
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walked her to the- (looks up, realises, and points) -the bus stop... I'm fine.</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Hey, that woman's got an ass like Carol's!
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(They turn to stare at him.) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Lesile, Kiki, and Joanne are
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talking.]</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Kiki:</b> Well, the biggest news is still you dumping
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Barry at the altar! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joanne:</b> Alright. Let's talk reality for a second. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joanne:</b> When are you coming home? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> What? Guys, I'm not. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joanne:</b> C'mon, this is us. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've
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got this job- </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Kiki:</b> Waitressing? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I,
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um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh
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dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Artelle lets me put the little
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chocolate blobbies on the cookies. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Leslie:</strong> Well. Your mom didn't tell us
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about the blobbies.</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are in
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pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters.] </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Hey, Rach. How was it with your friends?
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(She and Phoebe scream.) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch? (She pours the
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contents of the blender into some glasses.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> What's that? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Weeeell, it's rum, and- </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. (Grabs the blender and starts to
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drink.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> We thought since Phoebe was staying over
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tonight we'd have kinda like a slumber party thing. We got some trashy magazines, we got
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cookie dough, we got <em>Twister</em>... (The phone rings and Monica answers it.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh! Ooh! And I brought <em>Operation</em>!
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But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Uh, Rach, it's the <em>Visa </em>card
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people. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, God, ask them what they want. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) Could you please tell me what
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this is in reference to? (Listens) Yes, hold on. (To Rachel) Um, they say there's been
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some unusual activity on your account. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> But I haven't used my card in weeks! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> That <strong>is </strong>the unusual
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activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're okay. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they
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wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money,
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everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and
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I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then
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you can tell them I'm okay, okay? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> (pauses then on the phone) Uh- Rachel has
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left the building, can you call back? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play <em>Twister</em>!</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: <em>Madison Square Garden</em>, the guys are trying
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to find their seats.] </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.
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</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> What? There was ice there that night with
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Carol? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> No, actually I was just saying it looks like
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we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there <b>was</b> ice there that
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night... It was the first frost... </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, they're all hanging out in the
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living room.]</font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> You should feel great about yourself! You're
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doing this amazing independence thing! </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like,
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everything. And for what? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> You are just like Jack. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> ...Jack from downstairs? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> No, Jack and the Beanstalk. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Ah, the other Jack. </font></p>
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|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but
|
||
then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant
|
||
outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you
|
||
live in <b>the</b> Village.. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, but Pheebs, Pheebs, Jack gave up a
|
||
cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him- </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, see, Jack did love the cow. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was
|
||
clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Floopy? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> So what, you're not the only one. I mean,
|
||
half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just gotta figure at some point it's
|
||
all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, like that's a word. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, but Monica, what if- what if it
|
||
doesn't come together? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> ...Pheebs? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't
|
||
like this question. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't
|
||
get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: <em>Madison Square Garden</em>, the guys are
|
||
watching the game.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not
|
||
laughing now, are ya pal! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) See buddy, that's all you need,
|
||
a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Pass it! Pass it! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> He's open! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>All:</b> Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">(The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits
|
||
Ross in the face. Chandler looks concered until he notices...) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, look, we're on that TV thing! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">(Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing.)
|
||
</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b><font size="3">Commercial Break</font></b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: An Emergency Room, Chandler and Joey are leading
|
||
Ross in.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> (to the receptionist)'Scuse me. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> (holds up her hand<6E>she is on the
|
||
phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar.
|
||
Well, I'm not completely satisfied. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Well, I
|
||
guess you know that, or we'd be in the predicament room. (The receptionist glares at him.)
|
||
</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> (on phone) Hold on. (To Chandler) Fill
|
||
these out, sit over there. (Tosses him some forms.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (jumping to his feet) Look, I don't wanna make
|
||
any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is <b>dented</b>. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> Well, you'll have to wait your turn. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Well, how long do you think it'll be? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> (sarcastic) Any minute now. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Hey, this- (she gives him a look and the guys
|
||
back off) Heyy... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the slumber party continues.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to
|
||
bring you down. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> No, you were right. I don't have a plan.
|
||
(There's a knock on the door.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> (yelling from outside) Pizza
|
||
guy! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Thank God. Food. (She goes to answer the
|
||
door.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> What? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Do you have a plan? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> I don't even have a 'pl'. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green
|
||
pepper and onion? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> (miserably) No, no, that's not what we
|
||
ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> Wait, you're not
|
||
'G.Stephanopoulos?' Man, my dad's gonna kill me! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> (leaping off of the couch and runs up) Wait!
|
||
Did you say 'G.Stephanopoulos?' </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> Yeah. This one goes across the
|
||
street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Wait, was this a-a small mediterranean guy
|
||
with curiously intelligent good looks? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> Yeah, that sounds about right. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Was he wearing a stunning blue suit? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> And-and a power tie? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> No, pretty much just a towel. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> (staggered) Oh God. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Pizza Guy:</strong> So you guys want me to take
|
||
this back? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Are you nuts?! We've got George
|
||
Stephanopoulos' pizza! (Rachel pays him, Monica grabs some binoculars, and runs to the
|
||
window.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Uh, Pheebs? Who's George Snuffalopagus? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Big Bird's friend. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> I see pizza! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see! (She
|
||
runs up and takes the binoculars.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Hello? Who are we spying on? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> White House adviser? Clinton's campaign guy?
|
||
The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Please tell me it's his mother. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Definitely not his mother. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Oh, no... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor..
|
||
she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yelling) Hey, that's not for
|
||
you, bitch! (Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: The Emergency Room, Joey is miming hockey pucks
|
||
kitting foreheads. Chandler realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist
|
||
again.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Excuse me, look, we've been here for over
|
||
an hour, and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in. I mean, that guy with
|
||
the toe thing? Who's he sleeping with? (She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks
|
||
through it in a loud voice.) Oh, c'mon Dora, don't be mad... I know we both said some
|
||
things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the
|
||
waiting room.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her.. (She slides the panel back, he turns,
|
||
and it takes him by surprise.) Ba-! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are all out on the
|
||
balcony.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Light still out? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Oh. Maybe they're- napping. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Oh please, they're having sex. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica and Phoebe:</b> Shut up! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> So, whaddya think George is like? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> I think he's shy. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And
|
||
then- when you do- he's a preppy animal. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is still going on about
|
||
his first night with Carol.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> I remember the moonlight coming through the
|
||
window- and her face had the most incredible glow. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, the moon, the glow, the magical
|
||
feeling, you did this part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> He's right, enough, already. What is the big
|
||
deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her
|
||
for seven years after that. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Look, it's just a little more complicated... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Well, what? What? What is it? That she
|
||
left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on
|
||
the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Then what? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> My first time with Carol was... (He mumbles
|
||
the last part) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> What? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> It was my <strong>first time</strong>. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> With Carol? (Ross gives him a look.) Oh. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> So in your whole life, you've only been
|
||
with one<6E>(He gets a look too)<29>oh. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There
|
||
was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are still out on the
|
||
balcony.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that
|
||
vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Well, unless goose is a vegetable...ha
|
||
haaaah! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't
|
||
feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> What?! You slept with Jason? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> You'd already broken up. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> How long? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> A couple hours. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that's nice! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, okay, okay, I got one! (She sits up
|
||
and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony.) Anyway- The valentine
|
||
Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Excuse me?! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Hello? Like he was really gonna send you
|
||
one? (To Phoebe) She was a <strong>big girl</strong>. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't pee
|
||
in their pants in seventh grade! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> I was laughing! You made me laugh! (Monica
|
||
and Rachel start to squabble) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> There he is! There he is! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Where? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Right- where we've been looking all night! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> He is so cute! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Oh, George, baby, drop the towel! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>All:</b> Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop
|
||
the<EFBFBD>(pause)<29>wowww. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: The Emergency Room, Ross is absent.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with
|
||
one woman? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> I think it's great. Y'know, it's sweet,
|
||
it's romantic... </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Really? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> No, you kidding? The guy's a freak.. (Ross
|
||
enters off camera) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Both:</b> Hey, buddy. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Hi. (He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged
|
||
to his nose. He tosses some forms onto reception desk.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> (sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I thought you were great in Silence of
|
||
the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically,
|
||
which part was the fun part? Where's my puck? </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Oh, ah- the kid has it. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> The kid...? (To the kid) Excuse me, uh,
|
||
that's, that's my puck. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Kid:</strong> I found it. Finders keepers, losers
|
||
weepers. (Ross looks at Chandler for help.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> You gotta do it, man. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (to the kid) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're
|
||
glue, whatever<65>(to Chandler)<29>can't do it. (to the kid) Listen, uh- gimme back my
|
||
puck. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Kid:</strong> No. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><strong>Kid:</strong> No! No! (They start to fight over
|
||
it.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Receptionist:</b> Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER! </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (tries to snatch it from the kid) GIVE ME MY
|
||
PUCK!! (but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> ...Now <b>that</b> was fun. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b><font size="3">Closing Credits</font></b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and the girls are playing
|
||
twister.]</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> (Doing the spinning) Okay, Monica: Right foot
|
||
red. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Monica:</b> Could've played <em>Monopoly</em>, but
|
||
nooooo. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3">(There's a knock on the door, Chandler opens it, and
|
||
silently hands back the cushion.) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Thanks. (The guy nods and leaves) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Okay, Pheebs: Right hand blue. (Phoebe has to
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bend over.)Good. (Joey stares at her butt appreciatively) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">(The phone rings and Chandler answers it.) </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Hello? Oh, uh, Rachel, it's the <em>Visa </em>card
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people. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, okay. Will you take my place? </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> Alright. (on phone) Yes, this is Rachel. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> Nooo! (She grabs the phone and Chandler
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takes her place on the mat.) (On phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't
|
||
been using it much. (Listens) Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. </font></p>
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|
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Ross:</b> Green. To the green. </font></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) I've got magic beans. (Listens)
|
||
Never-never mind. </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Chandler:</b> To the left, to the left- aww! (They all
|
||
collapse) </font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="left"><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) Ohhh... I'm fine.</font></p>
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<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
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</body></html> |