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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season1/112towdl.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With the Dozen Lasagnas</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With the Dozen Lasagnas</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<font size="3"><i>
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</i><p align="left"><i></i>Written by: Jeffrey Astrof, Mike Sikowitz, Adam Chase & Ira
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Ungerleider<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Jim & Tracy Lambers</a><br>
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With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein</p>
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</font>
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<hr>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there. Ross working on
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crossword puzzle, starts humming theme from <em>The Odd Couple</em>. Chandler joins in,
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followed by Monica and Phoebe, then the whole gang. Ross starts humming theme from <em>I
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Dream Of Jeannie</em>.]</font></p><font size="3">
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no-no-no, we're done.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone in the kitchen.]</p>
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<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Aunt Syl, stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told
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me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. (pauses, listens to person on
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phone) Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.</p>
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<p>(Camera moves to Chandler, Phoebe, Ross, and Joey sitting in living room)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ross, did you really read all these baby books?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no
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compass, and I can find my way out of there like that! (snaps fingers)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, this is cool...it says in some parts of the world, people actually
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eat the placenta. (Joey grimaces)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And, we're done with the yogurt. (Sets yogurt down on table)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (softly) Sorry. (Camera pans back to Monica, still on phone)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Aunt Syl, I did this as a favor, I am not a caterer. What do you want me
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to do with a dozen lasagnas? (listens to Aunt Syl on phone, looks shocked) Nice talk, Aunt
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Syl. (in New York accent) You kiss Uncle Freddie with that mouth?</p>
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<p>(Camera pans back to group in living room)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big?
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(measures about 2 inches with his thumb and index finger) This is your baby. (in baby-like
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voice) Hi Daddy! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (waves) Hello!</p>
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<p><strong>Joey:</strong> (in baby-like voice) How come you don't live with Mommy? (pause;
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shows Ross less than amused) How come Mommy lives with that other lady? (pause; Ross still
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looks less than amused; Joey smiling) What's a lesbian? (playfully hits Ross)</p>
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<p>(Rachel enters with Paolo, speaking Italian. Ross looks annoyed)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, you can say it, Poconos, Poconos, it's like Poc-o-nos (touching
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Paolo's nose with forefinger with each syllable)</p>
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<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Ah, poke (Paolo touches Rachel's nose) a (touches nose again)
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nose, mmm (they rub noses, then kisses her)</p>
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<p><strong>Joey, Chandler, and Ross:</strong> (sitting in living room, imitating Paolo)
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Mma, Mma, Mmaah</p>
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<p>(Camera pans to Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe in the kitchen)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So, did I hear Poconos?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, my sister's giving us her place for the weekend.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Woo-hoo, first weekend away together!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, that's a big step.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know...</p>
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<p>(Camera pans to Ross, looking dejected)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) Ah, it's just a weekend, big deal!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be...(makes
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flinging motions with hands) flung by now?</p>
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<p>(Camera pans back to Rachel)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I mean, we are way past the fling thing, I mean, I am feeling things
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that I've only read about in Danielle Steele books, you know? I mean, when I'm with him,
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I'm totally, totally...</p>
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<p>(Camera pans to Ross, holding his stomach)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ...nauseous, I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do, huh? Call
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immigration? (pauses, looks suddenly inspired) I could call immigration!</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey leaving girls' apartment, carrying lasagna.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I love babies, with their little baby shoes, and their little baby toes,
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and their little baby hands... </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, you're going to have to stop that, forever!</p>
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<p>(Joey opens door, throws keys on kitchen table, table falls over)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Need a new table.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You think?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Carol and Susan's, there's a knock on the door and Carol answers it to Ross.]</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Hey hey, come on in!</p>
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<p>(Ross enters, carrying lasagna)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, hello! mmwa! (kisses Carol) I brought all the books, and Monica sends
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her love, along with this lasagna. </p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Oh great! Is it vegetarian, 'cause Susan doesn't eat meat.</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (pauses) I'm pretty sure that it is...</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> So, I got the results of the amnio today.</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (making flinging gestures with hands) Oh, tell me, tell me, is
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everything, uhh....? </p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Totally and completely healthy!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, that's great, that is great! (Hugs and kisses Carol. Then picks up a
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picture frame)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Uh, that's our friend Tanya.</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (surprised, chuckling nervously) Of course it's your friend
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Tanya. (looks up frightenedly)</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Don't you want to know about the sex?</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (chuckles nervously) The sex? (chuckles) Um, I'm having enough
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trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya (miming washing
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hair, that's the best I could think of), yaw...</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> The sex of the baby, Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, you know the sex of the baby? Oh, oh-oh-oh!</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Do you want to know?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to know, absolutely not. I think, you
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know, I think you should know until you look down there, and say, oop, there it is!
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(pauses) Or isn't...</p>
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<p>(Susan enters)</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Oh, hello Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Susan...</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> So, so, did you hear?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, we did, everything's A-OK!</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Oh, that's so... (Susan hugs Carol, they giggle, Ross steps away) It
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really is...do we know...?</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Yes, we certainly do, it's going to be...</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (flailing arms in protest) Oh, hey hey hey, ho ho ho, hello, guy
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who doesn't want to know, standing right here!</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Oh, well, is it what we thought it would be?</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Mm-hmmm (Susan and Carol hug, giggling. Ross stands back, reaches out and
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lightly taps Susan's shoulder)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ok, what, what...ok, what did we think it was going to be? </p>
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<p><strong>Carol and Susan</strong><b>:</b> It's a...</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (interrupts) No, no, no I don't want to know, don't want to
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know. Ok, you know, I should probably, I should probably just go. </p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Well, thanks for the books.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No problem, ok, mmmwa (kisses Carol) oh, mmmwa (kisses Carol's stomach,
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then punches Susan's shoulder) Susan... (Ross leaves.)</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> All right, who should we call first, your folks, or Deb and Rona?
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(intercom buzzer rings)</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Hello?</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (on intercom) Uh, never mind, I don't want to know. (Carol and
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Susan laugh)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler use their knees as a table to
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support the lasagna.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That's the rule.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How'd you get to that?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little
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breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You knew about that?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left
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little to the imagination.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ok, ok, How about if we split it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What do you mean, like, buy it together?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You think we're ready for something like that?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Why not?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, it's a pretty big commitment, I mean, what if one of us wants to
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move out?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Why, are you moving out?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm not moving out. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You'd tell me if you were moving out right</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, yeah, it's just that with my last roommate Kip...</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Aw, I know all about Kip!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It's just that we bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and
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got married, and things got pretty ugly.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, let me ask you something, was Kip a better roommate than me?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Aw, don't do that</p>
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<p>[Scene: Phoebe's Massage Parlor, Phoebe's assistant is telling her about the changes to
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her schedule.]</p>
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<p><strong>Phoebe's Assistant:</strong> We've got a couple changes in your schedule. Your
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4:00 herbal massage has been pushed back to 4:30 and Miss Somerfield canceled her 5:30
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shiatsu.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ok, thanks. (assistant leaves, then walks back in)</p>
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<p><strong>Phoebe's Assistant:</strong> Oh, here comes your 3:00. I don't mean to sound
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unprofessional, but, yum (walks out, Paolo enters)</p>
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<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Buon Giorno, Bella Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, Paolo, hi, what are you doing here?</p>
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<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Uh, Racquela tell me you massage, eh?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, Racquela's right, yeah!</p>
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<p>(Paolo speaks Italian)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, I don't know what you just said, so let's get started.</p>
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<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Uh, I am, uh, being naked?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Um, that's really your decision, I mean, some people prefer, you know,
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to take off...oh whoops! You're being naked!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe is there.]</p>
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<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> (to Ross) I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I
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couldn't not know, I mean, if, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows.... </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And Monica knows...</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wha, heh, how could you know, I don't even know!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So what's it gonna be? (Monica whispers in Joey's ear. Ross gets up and
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waves arms frantically in protest)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait<69>oh<6F>hey<65>huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Or an uncle... </p>
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<p>(Phoebe enters)</p>
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<p><strong>Joey and</strong> <b>Chandler:</b> Hey Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi Pheebs!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Fine!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, what's the matter?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm out of sorts.</p>
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<p><strong>Customer:</strong> Hey, can we get some cappuccino over here?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, right, that's me!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Chandler, that table place closes at 7, come on.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Fine. (Joey and Chandler walk towards the door)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, what is it?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, you know Paolo?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm familiar with his work, yes...</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, he made a move on me.</p>
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<p>(Joey and Chandler come back)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa, store will be open tomorrow!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> More coffee over here, please!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p align="left">[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Well, what happened?</p>
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<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>Well, he came in for a massage, and everything was fine until.
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(A flashback starts Paolo, lying on massage table, moving his hands up Phoebe's legs.)</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Central Perk.]</p>
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<p><strong>Joey and Chandler:</strong> Ooooohh!</p>
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<p><strong>Ross: </strong>My God.</p>
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<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Are you sure?</p>
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<p>(The flashback resumes with Paolo grabbing her butt.)</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Central Perk.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, I'm sure. (Flashback resumes with Phoebe doing a voiceover.)
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And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (Flashback continues: Paolo
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rolls over, Phoebe looks down, then quickly looks up, bites lip, shakes her head)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Was it...?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.</p>
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<p><strong>Guys:</strong> Oooooo....</p>
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<p>(Rachel runs over)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> "Ooo," what?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uma Thurman.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> The actress!</p>
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<p>(all talking indistinctly, high-fiving)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks Rach.</p>
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<p>(Rachel walks away)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So what are you gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You have to tell her! You have to tell her! It's your moral obligation, as
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a friend, as a woman, I think it's a feminist issue! Guys? Guys? (waiting for guys to
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chime in)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah, you have to tell her.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Feminist issue. That's where I went!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She is gonna hate me.</p>
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<p><strong>Ross:</strong>(sympathetic yet...) Yeah, well...</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Table Store, Joey and Chandler and looking for their new table.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Will you pick one, just pick one! Here, how about that one? (points to a
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table)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's patio furniture!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So what, like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside
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again?" Of course!</p>
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<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> (gesturing towards another table) What about the birds?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know, birds just don't say, "Hello, sit here, eat
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something."</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You pick one.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, how about the ladybugs?</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, so, forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine
|
||
dining!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine, you want to get the birds, get the birds!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not like that, I won't! (pauses) Kip would have liked the birds! (Joey
|
||
turns and gives Chandler a dirty look)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel folding and packing clothes in suitcases as Phoebe
|
||
enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi Pheebs!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you moving out?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, these aren't all my suitcases. (picks up small blue suitcase and
|
||
shows to Phoebe) This one's Paolo's.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Um, um, Rachel can we talk for a sec?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, sure...just a sec, though, 'cause Paolo's on his way over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! (sits down) Ok, um, ok, um, </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Pheebs, Pheebs...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a
|
||
time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are
|
||
the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal
|
||
raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> (taking cookie) Ok, thanks Pheebs (takes bite of cookie,
|
||
overwhelmed) Oh my God, why have I never tasted these before?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other
|
||
cookies</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've
|
||
ever had.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Which proves that I never lie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I guess you don't.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Paolo made a pass at me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel looks stunned)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Chandler, Joey, and Monica admiring their new
|
||
table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So, what do you think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I think It's the most beautiful table I've ever seen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I know!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The camera pans back to reveal Joey and Chandler's new foosball table.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So how does this work, you going to balance the plates on these little
|
||
guys' heads?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Who cares, we'll eat at the sink! Come on, let's play!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Heads up Ross! (Monica scores on Chandler and Joey) Score! (points at
|
||
Chandler) You suck!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler looks at Joey in amazement)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is recovering from the shock.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I need some milk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ok, I've got milk (takes thermos from her bag and starts to pour a cup)
|
||
Here you go... (Rachel drinks straight from thermos) Oh!(Rachel finishes thermos) Better?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No...<strong>oh</strong>, I feel so stupid! Oh, I think about the other
|
||
day with you guys and I was all "Oh, Paolo, he's so great, he makes me feel
|
||
so..." Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm so embarrassed, I'm the one he hit on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe's and Rachel's lines overlap)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, if I had never met him this never would have happened!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Rachel and </strong><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm so sorry! No I'm sorry! No I'm sorry! No
|
||
I'm sorry! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, wait, oh, what are we sorry about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don't know...right, he's the pig!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Such a pig!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, God, he's such a pig, </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh he's like a...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He's like a big disgusting... </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> ...like a...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> ...pig...pig man!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, good! Ok...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (voice wavers) Oh, but he was my pig man...how did I not see this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (raises hand) Oh! I know! (Rachel startled) It's because... he's
|
||
gorgeous, and he's charming, and when he looks at you...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ok, Ok, Pheebs...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> The end.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, God...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Should I not have told you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no, trust, me, it's, it's, it's much better that I know. Uh, I just
|
||
liked it better before it was better...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe scoots her chair over to Rachel and hugs her)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is telling everyone how it went across the hall as
|
||
the foosball game continues.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I think she took it pretty well. You know Paolo's over there right now,
|
||
so...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>We should get over there and see if she's okay. (switching
|
||
places with Ross) Just one...second! Score! (Monica scores, high-fives with Ross) Game!
|
||
Come on. (Monica and Phoebe leave)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (wiping his brow) Ah...ooh! Well, looks like, uh, we kicked your
|
||
butts.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no, she kicked our butts. You could be on the Olympic standing-there
|
||
team.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on, two on one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's
|
||
time for you to swoop in!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What, now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out
|
||
of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's
|
||
not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her.
|
||
You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross! (Ross and Chandler look off
|
||
into the distance. Joey, wondering what they are looking at, looks in the same direction)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's Balcony, Rachel is throwing Paolo's clothes over the side.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> No, that's cold, that's cold, that's...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to inside the apartment.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) How's it going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Don't stare. Now she just finished throwing his clothes off the balcony,
|
||
now there's just a lot of gesturing and arm-waving, (shows Rachel gesturing with hands in
|
||
front of her chest), Ok, that is either, "How could you?" or, "Enormous
|
||
breasts!" Here he comes! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Paolo enters. Ross, Phoebe, and Monica scatter)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Uh, I am, uh, to say good-bye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, ok bye-bye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, (hands him a
|
||
lasagna) but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 until the cheese bubbles.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Paolo:</strong> Grazie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Paolo, I-I just want to tell you and I think I speak for everyone when I
|
||
say... (shuts door in his face and walks away)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, just look at her... (girls move toward Rachel on the balcony)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's
|
||
not overwhelmed...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, you're right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (pulls Monica back) ...and I really think it should be me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the balcony, Ross has just climbed through the window.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You all right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ooh, I've been better...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come here. (he hugs Rachel) Listen, you deserve so much better than
|
||
him...you know, I mean, you, you, you should be with a guy who knows what he has when he
|
||
has you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Ross...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I am so sick of guys. I don't want to look at another guy, I don't want
|
||
to think about another guy, I don't even want to be near another guy. (Ross crosses arms)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Ross, you're so great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohhhh (Hugs her and sighs)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to inside the apartment, Rachel and Ross are entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh...hey honey, are you all right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You ok?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> ...medium...hmm...any cookies left?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yep!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> See, Rach, uh, see, I don't think that swearing off guys altogether is the
|
||
answer. I really don't. I think that what you need is to develop a more sophisticated
|
||
screening process.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. I just need to be by myself for a while, you know? I just got to
|
||
figure out what I want</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, no, no, see, because not...not all guys are going to be a Paolo.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I know, I know, and I'm sure your little boy is not going to grow up
|
||
to be one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Ross:</strong> (astonished) What? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I-I'm, I'm having a boy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh...no. No, no, in fact, you're not having a boy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wha-I'm having, I'm having a boy! (babbling) Huh, am I having a boy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Girls:</b> Yes, you're having a boy! (Monica runs over and hugs Ross)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm having a boy! Oh, I'm having a boy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey and Chandler run in)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wha-</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wha-</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey and Chandler:</b> What is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Joey and</strong> <b>Chandler:</b> We already knew that! (they hug)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm having a son. Um...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross looks scared)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica is busy killing Chandle and Joey at foosball.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> <strong>Yes</strong>! And that would be a shut-down!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Joey and</strong> <b>Chandler:</b> Shut-out!! (They both start heading for
|
||
their rooms.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Where are you guys going? Come on, one more game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, it's 2:30 in the morning!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, get out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You guys are always hanging out in my apartment! Come on, I'll only use
|
||
my left hand, huh? Come on, wussies! (Joey and Chandler pick her up) All right, ok, I
|
||
gotta go. I'm going, (they throw her out) and I'm gone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Joey) One more game?</p>
|
||
|
||
</font><p><font size="3"><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah!</font></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |