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<title>The One With The Fake Party</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Fake Party</h1>
<hr>
<p>Teleplay by Shana Goldberg-Meehan &amp; Scott Silveri <br>
Story by Alicia Sky Varinaitis<br>
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
<hr>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are
there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What is it hon?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I can<61>t find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes
me nauseous! I<>m telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake<6B>ooh! Cake!
(Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Aww, honey I<>m sorry.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God! Ooh! What is that smell? It<49>s coming from the bathroom. Ooh!
(She goes to the bathroom.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.</p>
<p>[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It<49>s me. It<49>s Phoebe. Listen there<72>s something in here I
want to eat, what-what smells so good?</p>
<p>(Joey sticks his head out of the shower curtain.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is it the shampoo? It<49>s guava.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (she smells his head) No!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! Wait-wait! (Reaches inside the shower.) Is it my bologna sandwich?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Yes. Yes. I can<61>t believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he
wants me to eat meat? I can<61>t eat meat!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe it<69>s a pickle?!</p>
<p>(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing
something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you writing?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, Joshua<75>s coming in tomorrow and since I don<6F>t have the
guts to ask him out, I<>m going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a
call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of style<6C>what did you throw away?</p>
<p>(Ross and Emily enter.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi guys!</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what have you guys been up too?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the
Cupert-Hewitt museum.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Without me?!</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really
interesting.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that! (Shows them a
doorknob she has.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don<6F>t know how museums work in England but, here, you<6F>re not
supposed to take stuff.</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there.
(Chandler is shocked.) It<49>s a joke. (They all laugh.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Bye. (They kiss.)</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> Right, I<>ve got to be off, I<>ll see ya. Buh-bye then. (She
leaves.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah, she<68>s-she<68>s amazing. And-and she<68>s so much fun.
And! Y<>know what? When I<>m with her, I<>m fun! I even signed up for
helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) She<68>s leaving in two days, I don<6F>t
have to do it.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, she<68>s got to go back to London. But you know what? I<>ve
been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and
that<EFBFBD>s it. Y<>know.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey that<61>s what all my relationships are like.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, but in Ross<73>s case, they <b>both</b> know in two weeks
that<EFBFBD>s it.</p>
<p>(Phoebe enters.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs!</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is
totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make
it think it was getting meat, y<>know? And I got nauseous.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Maybe that<61>s because soy-burgers suck!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That<61>s sweat. You throw up all morning, you<6F>ll have that glow
too.</p>
<p>[Scene: <i>Bloomingdale<EFBFBD>s</i>, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> (coming in from a changing room) Okay!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, here<72>s that trench-coat that you wanted.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, it<69>s comfortable. </p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his
hands in his pockets.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they don<6F>t want you to put your
hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Why not?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, that<61>s because of a lot of<6F>(She imitates someone picking
their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Y<>know, they ruin it for everybody.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Y<>know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, congratulations, so do you love her?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, no, no, she<68>s nice but, y<>know, it just it made me realize
that I<>m just not, I<>m just not ready to be dating, y<>know?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh. Well, uh, that<61>s uh, that<61>s interesting. (She goes over
and retrieves her note.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> (noticing her) Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, it<69>s just an anti-theft device.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Then uh, what<61>s-what<61>s this? (Shows her the real anti-theft
device.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You need that, you need that too <20>cause obviously, a thief could
just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the <i>Magna-Doodle</i>
as Rachel enters.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we
have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, what<61> going on?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it<69>s
actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said he<68>s not ready to
date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I
have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, as much as I<>d like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I
aren<EFBFBD>t going to be here. All right? I mean, she<68>s going to come by first to say
good-bye, and then I<>ve got a whole special evening planned. So I<>m sorry, no
party.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Awwww!</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> (entering) Hello?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Surprise!!!</p>
<b>
</b><p><b>Chandler and Joey:</b> Surprise!! </p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> No one<6E>s ever thrown me a surprise party before!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it was all Ross<73>s idea.</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> You<6F>re so sweet! And I<>m so surprised!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> You really didn<64>t know?</p>
<p>[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes
over to talk to her.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to
the living room.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uhh, because I<>m trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he<68>s
looking over here, say something funny.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Like what?</p>
<p>(Rachel laughs hysterically.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> What-what-what is so funny?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I said, "Like what?"</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Now that<61>s a thinker.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, y<>know what, y<>know what? This playing hard to get thing
is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She
does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hi!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Care for a cherry?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh, no thanks.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No? Y<>know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my
tongue. </p>
<p>(She tries to demonstrate this unique ability, but only succeeds in choking on it.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy
smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (interrupting Monica and Emily) So we should probably get going soon.</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, but the party<74>s only just getting started!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, but we-we have to be at the<i> Four Seasons</i> for drinks in 15
minutes and then y<>know, then <i>The Plaza</i> for dinner.</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> So why did you plan a party at the same time?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very
short. It<49>s usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, I<>m so
surprised<EFBFBD>good-bye!"</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> But Ross, I<>m such having a great time! Your sister has just been
telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea
parties.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monica<63>s knee really hardly
and Monica winces in pain.)</p>
<p>[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> A little salami. </p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Pastrami. </p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oooh, yeah. You<6F>re a genius.</p>
<p>(Rachel enters, she has changed clothes.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. (He goes over to her.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Up!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> You changed?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> And lucky means, more cleavage? </p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Does for me.</p>
<p>(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just
glares at him. He stops, gives her the <20>okay<61> symbol and walks away.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, God! Look at him, he<68>s so cute. I wanna go over there, grab
him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> There was a seen in <i>Footloose</i>...</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> <i>Flashdance</i>.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl<72></p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> She was a welder.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> What? Were you like <b>in</b> the movie, or<6F> Anyway, she takes off
her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s not Christmas!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Or Spin the Bottle?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He<48>s not 11!</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> (with her coat on, she<68>s leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for
this. It was really so thoughtful of you.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? You<6F>re leaving?!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, we have something we have to get to.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Uhh, yeah, I think I<>m going to take-off too.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! You guys can<61>t leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole
big thing planned!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What big thing?</p>
<p>[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the
rules of Spin the Bottle.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the
bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where
Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther<65>s face and decides
not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> I<>ll go.</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Yay!</p>
<p>(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)</p>
<p>(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Two in a row! You<6F>ve got to use your tongues now! (They kiss
again.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yay! Emily! </p>
<p>(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are the odds? What are the odds?</p>
<p>(They both move to kiss again.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (stopping them) Okay, that-that<61>s enough! Y<>know, let<65>s,
let<EFBFBD>s let someone else play.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> If you didn<64>t want to play, why did you come to the party?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, my turn!!</p>
<p>(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on<6F>.wait for it<69>.Joshua. (You thought I
was going to say Ross, didn<64>t you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy
crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her
cleavage.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Ohh!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s okay! It<49>s okay! It kicked once, it<69>ll kick again!</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Oh my God!</p>
<p>(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from
kissing Joshua.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting. </p>
<p>(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down,
Rachel pretends she<68>s knocking a bug off his leg.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Just a bug.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The
Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y<>know it doesn<73>t matter how much I<>m craving it.
Y<EFBFBD>know why I<>m never gonna eat meat? Because it<69>s murder, cold blooded
murder.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. </p>
<p>(He takes a bite out of the sandwich and as he does so, Phoebe attacks the other end
and starts devouring the sandwich.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> There<72>s a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the
sandwich to Phoebe.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can<61>t help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right look, y<>know how-y<>know how when you<6F>re dating
someone and you don<6F>t want to cheat on them, unless it<69>s with someone really
hot?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, totally!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you<6F>re going
to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!</p>
<p>[Cut to later, Phoebe is finishing off her steak.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Feel better now?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I<>m
gonna eat like, y<>know millions of cows.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I eat a lot of meat right?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, suppose until the baby<62>s born I laid off it. No extra animals
would die, you-you<6F>d just be eating my animals.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey, I can<61>t believe you would do that for me.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There<72>s no meat in beer, right?</p>
<p>[Cut to Ross and Emily standing by the foosball table.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked
for our check right away.</p>
<p>(Rachel enters, she has changed once again. This time into her high school cheerleading
uniform.)</p>
<p><b>Emily:</b> But, we can<61>t go now. It looks like Rachel<65>s gonna put on a
skit.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No-n-n-n-no! I am <b>finally</b> thinking clearly. My lucky dress
wasn<EFBFBD>t working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can<61>t let<65>(pause), actually
I kinda want to see what happens.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Nice uh, costume.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American <b>good</b>-bye
cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an <20>E!<21></p>
<p><b>All:</b> E!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an <20>M!<21></p>
<p><b>All:</b> M!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an <20>I!<21></p>
<p><b>All:</b> I!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an <20>L!<21></p>
<p><b>All:</b> L!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme a <20>Y!<21></p>
<p><b>All:</b> Y!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and
performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) Emil<69>Whoa!! (She falls in
Chandler<EFBFBD>s room.) Okay! So that<61>s me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunther<65>s
the only one that claps.)</p>
<p>(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)</p>
<b>
</b><p><b>Joey and Monica:</b> Are you all right?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m fine! I<>m fine! I<>m just losing a tooth, it<69>s no
big deal. I have a dentist! Y<>know. I<>m gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me.
(She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do
now?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I think you<6F>re done.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Umm, that was <b>really</b> great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, come on, let<65>s go get your coat.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Okay.</p>
<p>(They both go to Chandler<65>s bedroom to get his coat.)</p>
<p>[Cut to Gunther and Emily.]</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Rachel is my girlfriend.</p>
<p>[Cut to Chandler<65>s bedroom.]</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> So, this was uh, really fun.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Y<>know, this bra<72>
Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Y<>know, this used to be my
bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a <b>lot</b> of memories. If these walls could
talk, y<>know what they<65>d say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently
pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isn<73>t co-operating.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Need uh, need a little hand there.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> You really don<6F>t seem like you do. That<61>s<EFBFBD></p>
<p>(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives
up.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not
how this is supposed to happen.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Well, what was supposed to happen?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that
if I could get you here, I could seduce you.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I don<6F>t wear suits to
work, and I bought six of them from you.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I<>m sorry, I thought you needed them!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted
to see you.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why?!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Because I-I like you.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You like me?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah! I mean you<6F>re-you<6F>re beautiful and smart and
sophisticated<EFBFBD>a lot of this isn<73>t based on tonight.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can<61>t believe this, all
this time, I liked you and you liked me!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> But<75></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no-no don<6F>t say but! No-no, but<75>s never good! Let<65>s
just leave it at, you like me and I like you.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Okay uh, however<65></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, now see that<61>s a fancy but.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> My marriage like <b>just</b> ended, and I<>m really not ready to get
into anything yet.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But<75>.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> I<>m sorry, I, I just need a little time.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
<p>[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of
the guys apartment.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua<75>s gone so
you and Emily are free to go.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> That<61>s okay. She<68>s still in there enjoying her fake party and
uh, it<69>s too late to do any of the things I had planned, so<73></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Ross, I<>m sorry. I completely ruined your evening.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Helps a little.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, have a seat.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m so sorry.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> That<61>s okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just
didn<EFBFBD>t want it to end this way, y<>know?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, maybe you didn<64>t want it to end?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What do you mean?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You seem to really like her.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed
that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y<>know no commitment.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends,
asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica<63>s photo albums, I mean you
don<EFBFBD>t do that if you<6F>re just in it for two weeks.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> You think?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and
you<EFBFBD>re sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, you<6F>re right.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don<6F>t know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! Those weren<65>t albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach!
(He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You<6F>re a pathetic loser, right?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho, yeah!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sit!</p>
<p>(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hi. (He has just returned.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my gosh, Joshua!</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> All those things I said about not being ready<64></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> They<65>re not true?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, they<65>re-they<65>re all true.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> But<75></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Oh, I love that but.</p>
<p>(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them
on.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You wanna go inside and have some coffee?</p>
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next day. Phoebe is busy
making a sandwich.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oooh, what you got there?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Pastrami.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y<>know what goes good with that?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hm-mm, corn beef.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that<61>s much better. How about a
little of that smoked turkey?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is
the baby due?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Six months.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those
right?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Not if I get there first.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
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